Writing has been so difficult for me lately. Normally, it's something that I love, that allows me to get my creativity flowing and put some beauty out into the (blogging) world.
I've found myself struggling as of late, to find some source of inspiration in getting words to move from my head to the keyboard to the screen. After spending a week or so mulling over how I can break this writer's block, I decided I needed to just sit down and start writing, and maybe dive into the center of it all and what is holding me back.
A need for a new blogging home might be the first step. A place that the folks that are involved my every day "real life" are not aware of, so that I can release my thoughts and feelings without fear of judgment or upset. Thank you, ladies, for visiting me here, and please know that I welcome with open ears any and all advice and wisdom you have to share with me.
So, I'm ready to begin today, by diving into the center of what is on my forefront of my mind in the here and now. It's somewhat of a lengthy story, so I will write it in two parts.
I've found myself struggling as of late, to find some source of inspiration in getting words to move from my head to the keyboard to the screen. After spending a week or so mulling over how I can break this writer's block, I decided I needed to just sit down and start writing, and maybe dive into the center of it all and what is holding me back.
A need for a new blogging home might be the first step. A place that the folks that are involved my every day "real life" are not aware of, so that I can release my thoughts and feelings without fear of judgment or upset. Thank you, ladies, for visiting me here, and please know that I welcome with open ears any and all advice and wisdom you have to share with me.
So, I'm ready to begin today, by diving into the center of what is on my forefront of my mind in the here and now. It's somewhat of a lengthy story, so I will write it in two parts.
***
I'm in a rough spot right now. My relationship with MPD is off-kilter at the moment, due to actions on both of our parts. Tried as we might, we have been unable to see eye-to-eye for the past year on a certain situation involving an ex-love (of his), and as things always do, it has finally hit the fan. You see, MPD forgives endlessly. And I...well, I do not.
When a negative influence becomes apparent in my life, I walk away. I don't look back, and I continue on with my life without said negativity. MPD, on the other hand, forgives, forgives, and forgives some more. He believes that the good in a person will always one day prevail, and that even if the action of someone is hurtful, that if their intentions were naive enough, they should not hold the blame for the pain caused. You can see where this could potentially cause issues between us.
Enter MPD's ex-girlfriend, with whom he has maintained a steady friendship since they broke up two years ago. From the fledgling of our relationship, she (we shall just call her X for blogging purposes) voiced opinions of MPD's dog being "her's" (completely unbiased, as MPD purchased and raised this pup solo) and that she couldn't stand that I was around "her" dog. She raised objections to him beginning to date me, because she "always envisioned them getting back together one day." (She broke up with him, for the record.) X eventually stated that she needed distance and time to accept our relationship, as she was hurt by him moving on.
For every woman reading this, I'm sure you could just picture the steam shooting out of my ears at the situation not being halted once and for all, right there.
Months of silence were put between them, in my efforts to compromise with MPD on not cutting her out of his life completely. "She is hurting, and she has voiced that she regrets saying those things and really does wish us the best," became the statement that I had to argue with repeatedly. Finally, in the early Spring of this year, I threw my hands up and agreed that we could begin to move forward with him speaking to her once more. (Gosh, as I type this, I have to ask...do I sound like as much of an idiot as I feel that I have been?)
Months went on with all going well, X even reaching out to be friendly with me, friending me on Facebook, and feigning interest in knowing me. It didn't take long, of course, for her to once again cross that line, and voice an inappropriate-something regarding a loving statement MPD had made toward me, being something that he had re-voiced from the days that he dated her.
I was infuriated and elated, all at the same time. She'd crossed the line again, which made me seethe with upset, yet...she'd crossed the line again, which gave me the footing I needed to firmly stand in front of MPD and object to her being any part of our lives moving forward. Even though I felt confident in my reasoning and my feelings, I was still a bit shocked when MPD agreed with me, finally.
He said that he would put an end to it, even though he still truly believed that she meant no harm in her words. X was leaving for an out-of-the-country trip the next day, so he decided to wait until her return to speak with her. Finally having MPD on my wavelength, I did not object, and I sat back to enjoy the week and a half that I knew X would not be attempting contact with MPD, knowing that it would be a really fun and light-hearted week, just how it was anytime she was removed from our day-to-day lives.
- to be continued tomorrow -
Enter MPD's ex-girlfriend, with whom he has maintained a steady friendship since they broke up two years ago. From the fledgling of our relationship, she (we shall just call her X for blogging purposes) voiced opinions of MPD's dog being "her's" (completely unbiased, as MPD purchased and raised this pup solo) and that she couldn't stand that I was around "her" dog. She raised objections to him beginning to date me, because she "always envisioned them getting back together one day." (She broke up with him, for the record.) X eventually stated that she needed distance and time to accept our relationship, as she was hurt by him moving on.
For every woman reading this, I'm sure you could just picture the steam shooting out of my ears at the situation not being halted once and for all, right there.
Months of silence were put between them, in my efforts to compromise with MPD on not cutting her out of his life completely. "She is hurting, and she has voiced that she regrets saying those things and really does wish us the best," became the statement that I had to argue with repeatedly. Finally, in the early Spring of this year, I threw my hands up and agreed that we could begin to move forward with him speaking to her once more. (Gosh, as I type this, I have to ask...do I sound like as much of an idiot as I feel that I have been?)
Months went on with all going well, X even reaching out to be friendly with me, friending me on Facebook, and feigning interest in knowing me. It didn't take long, of course, for her to once again cross that line, and voice an inappropriate-something regarding a loving statement MPD had made toward me, being something that he had re-voiced from the days that he dated her.
I was infuriated and elated, all at the same time. She'd crossed the line again, which made me seethe with upset, yet...she'd crossed the line again, which gave me the footing I needed to firmly stand in front of MPD and object to her being any part of our lives moving forward. Even though I felt confident in my reasoning and my feelings, I was still a bit shocked when MPD agreed with me, finally.
He said that he would put an end to it, even though he still truly believed that she meant no harm in her words. X was leaving for an out-of-the-country trip the next day, so he decided to wait until her return to speak with her. Finally having MPD on my wavelength, I did not object, and I sat back to enjoy the week and a half that I knew X would not be attempting contact with MPD, knowing that it would be a really fun and light-hearted week, just how it was anytime she was removed from our day-to-day lives.
- to be continued tomorrow -
2 comments:
It's funny that you write this... I have found myself in a similar situation, except reversed. Sort of. I can't wait to read the rest of it
Aw lacey Im sorry you're in a rough spot :(
X is driving me insane already and there's yet for part 2 to come... will wait for it all to be up to make any full judgements.
Hope you're ok
M x
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