It's been a while since an update. To get you informed quickly, all I can say is that everything has been going well...lots of efforts, Mike is seeing a therapist, yadda yadda. I've been chugging ahead with my plans to move back to LA in January (still hush hush in some parts of my real life), and because of this, Mike has been planning to move as well.
We visited his parents last weekend for a day before we flew West to see my family for the holiday. The day with his parents was painful and so uncomfortable - they are upset about the move.
We've spent the last six days in Los Angeles and Las Vegas gallivanting around town with my family and friends and letting Mike get the vibe for the city. He's had some inklings of freaking out every so often and I've tried to somewhat ignore them, but I've had this terrible nagging in my head ever since we got to LA. This situation isn't right. Him being here with me, planning to move out here with me isn't right. Thinking it and feeling it is one thing - I was trying to figure out how to handle these feelings, considering he has been interviewing for jobs out here and he has his mentality programmed to the idea that he is moving here in six weeks time.
Then yesterday happened. He was quiet half the day - very un-Mike like. Then he freaked out in the afternoon. I told him he needs to figure out what his decision is on the move and to stick with it, because the wavering is making me crazy. (And annoyed. Very annoyed.)
Then last night, I went to bed early around 930 pm and took a Valium to help with the pain that my broken elbow is still feeling (if you missed that I broke my arm, read up on LITC for the details). Mike stayed up with my sister and brother-in-law. At 1230 am, the bedroom door opens, he turns the overhead lights on to wake me up (from my drug-induced sleep, mind you), and starts in with a raised voice on how my family is pressuring him on which neighborhood to live in (absolutely not the case) and how he cannot please everyone, yadda yadda yadda....It went on for two and a half hours. I kept telling him to quiet down, calm down, simmer down, shut up because I was certain everyone in the house could hear him because he was being SO LOUD....everything I could. And I do not tell people to shut up. I think that's a rude thing to say, but jeezus did the man need to shut the fuck up. He went into full blown anxiety attack. I told him I would not speak to him until the morning when I was properly awake and he was not in the midst of an attack - not to mention that he was drunk. (Which I have also had numerous talks with him about moderation in his alcohol intake - to no avail.)
That was it. As he was on his tirade, I found myself thanking God for sending me a situation that warrants me standing my ground and saying that this is not what I want for my life. It's been something that I've seen and been too chicken-shit to take action on. I'm embarrassed of myself, because I've always called myself a strong and independent woman, but I feel like I was weak and foolish in this situation. This whole entire situation, starting from dealing with X, the texting of the random girl, all the obvious mental health issues.
But I have learned. If nothing else, I know more now than ever what I want in a partner. I also know that I need a serious detox from being in a relationship, once he and I go our separate ways after my move. (We still live together in CT.)
This is going to be a super tense couple of months still having to live together until my move. And the conversation that I still have to have with him once we are alone is going to be a gnarly one, I can feel it. But I will be strong this time.
We visited his parents last weekend for a day before we flew West to see my family for the holiday. The day with his parents was painful and so uncomfortable - they are upset about the move.
We've spent the last six days in Los Angeles and Las Vegas gallivanting around town with my family and friends and letting Mike get the vibe for the city. He's had some inklings of freaking out every so often and I've tried to somewhat ignore them, but I've had this terrible nagging in my head ever since we got to LA. This situation isn't right. Him being here with me, planning to move out here with me isn't right. Thinking it and feeling it is one thing - I was trying to figure out how to handle these feelings, considering he has been interviewing for jobs out here and he has his mentality programmed to the idea that he is moving here in six weeks time.
Then yesterday happened. He was quiet half the day - very un-Mike like. Then he freaked out in the afternoon. I told him he needs to figure out what his decision is on the move and to stick with it, because the wavering is making me crazy. (And annoyed. Very annoyed.)
Then last night, I went to bed early around 930 pm and took a Valium to help with the pain that my broken elbow is still feeling (if you missed that I broke my arm, read up on LITC for the details). Mike stayed up with my sister and brother-in-law. At 1230 am, the bedroom door opens, he turns the overhead lights on to wake me up (from my drug-induced sleep, mind you), and starts in with a raised voice on how my family is pressuring him on which neighborhood to live in (absolutely not the case) and how he cannot please everyone, yadda yadda yadda....It went on for two and a half hours. I kept telling him to quiet down, calm down, simmer down, shut up because I was certain everyone in the house could hear him because he was being SO LOUD....everything I could. And I do not tell people to shut up. I think that's a rude thing to say, but jeezus did the man need to shut the fuck up. He went into full blown anxiety attack. I told him I would not speak to him until the morning when I was properly awake and he was not in the midst of an attack - not to mention that he was drunk. (Which I have also had numerous talks with him about moderation in his alcohol intake - to no avail.)
That was it. As he was on his tirade, I found myself thanking God for sending me a situation that warrants me standing my ground and saying that this is not what I want for my life. It's been something that I've seen and been too chicken-shit to take action on. I'm embarrassed of myself, because I've always called myself a strong and independent woman, but I feel like I was weak and foolish in this situation. This whole entire situation, starting from dealing with X, the texting of the random girl, all the obvious mental health issues.
But I have learned. If nothing else, I know more now than ever what I want in a partner. I also know that I need a serious detox from being in a relationship, once he and I go our separate ways after my move. (We still live together in CT.)
This is going to be a super tense couple of months still having to live together until my move. And the conversation that I still have to have with him once we are alone is going to be a gnarly one, I can feel it. But I will be strong this time.
As always, thanks for listening, gals. xoxo
1 comment:
Wow Lace...I'm so sorry. First of all, he really needs to talk to his doctor about the effects of alcohol with his medication-it's NOT a good thing to be mixing with SSRI's since they both affect the serotonin release and receptor sites in the brain...ok that's the alcohol counselor in me :)
Now me, the cousin-You're not a chicken shit. If you were, you would have given up on this relationship a long time ago and not stuck around to deal with the problems. You loved the man and you wanted to give him and your relationship the respect it deserved to try and work it out. You are everything BUT chicken shit!
It was not L & A's fault-I know they weren't pressuring him to do anything, they were just trying to be helpful. That's his cop-out, so don't let him blame that on your family. They are probably some of the LEAST pushy people I know!
At the end of the day, you can hold your head high knowing that you did absolutely EVERYTHING you could do to try and make your relationship work, while still maintaining your independence, identity and self-worth. You deserve the world, and you know that. It will be hard the next 6 weeks, but we're all here if you need us :) Just a phone call away! Good luck with Mike and let us know how it goes.
XOXO
N.
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