On love + dating.

Look at me going another month without a post. 

My cousin made a quick stop in LA last night on her way from Miami to Hong Kong (it's a hard life), + within three minutes of me picking her up, she asked why I hadn't updated Lacey in the Making in a while.  And let me tell ya girls, I have a lot of LITM-worthy writing to do.  So here goes:

The hardest thing in life for me is to believe in life-long love.  It's not an exaggeration.  I've felt this way since I was a teenager and first began really pondering the concept of love.  I mean, I came from a broken home (I don't have one memory in my life of my parents kissing or embracing), + although I believed I was in love at the times of my past three serious relationships, the last of those two both ended with me in an emotional tailspin because the ex-manfriends were, in the end, complete a-holes.  (If you need proof of this, please read through the posts that began this little secret blog, which detailed the ending of my relationship with NY boyfriend.)

So with that said, + with you all having a grasp on my level of bitterness after The Great Breakup of 2011, I joined an online dating site once I got back here to LA.  I'm aware that it's still considered la lame in some areas to do such a thing, but I did it.  I was trying to convince myself that there was a man out there who was good and funny and strong and all the other fantastic qualities that I have added over the years onto my "He Must Have" list.

So a quick synopsis of the four dates I've ended up going on over the past two months:

Date #1:  I met him at a cute outdoor wine bar in Los Feliz area of LA.  Cool area, cool vibe.  This guy + I had the same birthday (but seven years different), + he seemed confident and cool from our messaging back and forth.  Forty-five minutes into the date, he looked at his phone and said, "Yah, I have to get up at 5 tomorrow for a call with the East Coast."  I hadn't even finished my first glass of wine yet.  So cool as a cucumber, I responded: "Sure, well whenever you need to leave, just let me know."  "Okay," he said, as he began to put his jacket back on.  Me: "Oh.  So that means now?"  And that was that.  He texted me the next day that he was sorry, but that he had been seeing someone else and he wanted to see where it goes.  I didn't believe that story obviously, and would've preferred if he wasn't into me, he just had said that.

Date #2:  Basically the exact same thing as Date #1, but the text message the next morning was more straightforward: that he didn't feel a chemistry, but that he thought I was a really fun and super sweet girl and he'd be interested in friendship.

Date #3:  Tall, dark, + handsome.  Seemed successful.  Seven years older than me.  All was good.  Then between first date and the second date we had planned, he went out of town for the weekend.  And texted me that weekend asking me for a picture for his viewing pleasure.  The whole conversation was suggestive, and I knew what he meant.  I told him that he was barking up the wrong tree and that because his question was weird and made me uncomfortable, I was canceling our second date.

Date #4:  This one takes the absolute cake.  There are way too many ridiculous details on this one, so I'll give you the highlights.

-He brought me flowers.  Very nice.  What was not nice is that before the end of the date, he instructed me to save two of the flowers and hang them upside down so that we would always have a token from the first flowers he ever gave me.

-He kept on about, "You know what I love about how we communicate?" 

-He asked, "So do you intend to take your future husband's name? *cough cough* Strong German names are great...just saying."  (Obviously his surname was German.)

-"I mean, if you don't love babies, we should just stop talking right now." (Ahhhhh)

-"So all these road trips that you take, are you allowed to bring along significant others? So I could call you and say, 'Hey babe, I have a week off, let me come meet you somewhere!'"

-"So you're going out of town next week.  What is your daily schedule?  Because you'll be in another state, I will obviously want to talk to you on the phone."

-"What are you doing for Memorial Day?  My brothers and I always do a camping trip and I want you to come."


So wowza, that's what has been happening lately in the dating realm over here.  And it's all left me wondering where the heck the happy medium is.  Oh, and in case you were wondering, NO, I no longer am participating in the online dating world.  After all those duds, I just need a breather from men in general for a minute.  Yeesh.

Dos, + The Aussie.

ALRIGHTY...I had mentioned in the previous post that Dos was paying attention without being too much.  My how things can change.  As far as I'm concerned, I have completely lost interest in him, but I'm trying to gently let him know, because he is a nice guy.  He's so darn negative though.  Every day is "eh" or "blah" and weekends are "mediocre".  I'm not interested in that sort of negativity.  I've had to carry a man before emotionally, and I am 1000% NOT interested in constantly pushing someone toward happiness.  No ma'am, not this gal.

So I've backed off A TON in communication, which per normal human nature, has made Dos cling.  Also not attractive.  I'm currently waiting for the moment that feels appropriate in which to tell him why I no longer intend to go out on dates with him.  A little bit tricky since he is at my brother-in-law's house semi-regularly.

In other news, ladies...I met and had a romantic cross country crush affair with an Australian on my travels this month.  Mhm.

I met The Australian in Dallas a couple of weeks ago.  I was walking a trade show to decide if I wanted to show my brand there, and I passed a handsome, sort of Gerard Butler looking man at his booth.  He made eye contact, we both smiled.  I kept walking, and at the end decided to go back and ask him a few questions about how he liked the show.  Zero ulterior motive.

And then he spoke.  In his Aussie accent.  Oh mama!  We exchanged business cards, and I thanked him for his advice, and that was that. 

Then I ran into him at the end of the day in the elevator.  We stood for a good 10 minutes and chatted, and he told me he was also headed to New York right after Dallas and that he'd like to take me for drinks.  I'm not one to turn down free beverages from hot foreigners, so we made plans.  And I was so busy that I didn't follow up once.  He did all of the outreach, which was how it should be. 

We went out that following Monday in New York for drinks.  We met at 930 and stayed at the bar til 2, where we parted ways.  Great conversation, laughed the whole time.  The next day, I was exhausted, as was he.  He texted and I replied that my pjs and trash tv were calling my name.  He replied that we should have a pajama party.  The fact that we both were staying in hotels made it seem a little weird, but hey - when in New York, you roll with it.  So I said sure, and invited him to mine.  He came over and we joked and chatted until again around 2 am until he finally started a pillow fight and kissed me.  And we kissed (kissed only!  Unfortunately I am a good girl with a huge guilt complex!) until like 430 in the morning, when we finally fell asleep.  He escorted me to work the next day, dropping me with a smile and a farewell smooch. 

And then he flew home to Melbourne this weekend.  BUT he comes back to The States in a couple of days for the big Fashion Trade Show we have in Vegas.  So we will once again be in the same city.  I've made no efforts to reach out to him, so I am just doing nothing.  I've decided I'm playing the feminine card for a while, across the board.  So if he reaches out this week in Vegas, then fantastic!  If not, well hey - I'd never made out with and had an all-night cuddle sesh with an Australian before.  :)

And then, not to confuse you too much, but I have a date tonight.  I'll fill you in on him post-date.  Seems like Lacey in the Making is getting much more fun though now that I'm single!  At least I think so :)

xoxo

Single life in LA thus far.

It's been over a month since I posted here on LITM... I just reread my last post detailing how the end of Mike and me ended up going down and -ouch- it hurt to relive it.  SO - moving on past that jerkface and his hurtful memory and into sharing with you guys what the past month has been like as a single lady on the West Coast...

Let's see - I went on the date that I mentioned in the last post.  He was a nice guy - tall, successful, a gentleman.  We went on a second date also, but by the second date I determined that as nice as he was, there was no attraction.  And let's be honest, it had not been but a few weeks since Mike + I had officially ended things, so I don't know that I was mentally in the strongest of places to really put my head into being interested in someone.

Then enter the day before New Year's Eve.  My older sister and I went to her husband, Albert's office so that I could get my back adjusted (he's a chiropractor).  As I was leaving, Albert mentioned - "Hey Lace, what are you up to tonight?  You should come over to watch the fight.  I'm having a couple of guys over, and there's actually one that I think you should meet.  His name's Albert also...he's a cool kid."  My brother-in-law just turned 40 this month, so he thinks everyone is a "kid" anymore. 

I considered the idea and finally decided, what the heck.  I was still in my yoga clothes from earlier in the day (there wasn't time to go change), but I headed over to my sister's place in time for the fight. 

To continue the story without confusion, we'll call the second Albert "Dos".  (Both Alberts are Mexican, so that's why my sister dubbed him with a nickname in Spanish...)

So a little bit after I arrived, Dos got to the house.  It turns out that he's been friends with Laura + Albert for a few years now, since I moved to NY practically, but I'd never met him at any of their get-togethers or anything until then.  My brother-in-law was right though, and Dos and I totally hit it off.  Turns out he's not the "kid" Albert described him as - he's 30, in banking, going to school full-time while working full-time, was a Marine and worked as a paralegal for JAG when he was in the service (he's been out for about 8 years), and he's certified to be an EMT...kind of well-rounded, especially when you compare him to Mike!  I was impressed.

So that was the night before New Year's Eve.  We then ended up all hanging out at a wine bar in the Silverlake neighborhood to ring in NYE (no NYE kiss, in case you wondered), and then he took me to lunch on New Year's Day (which then ended with a goodbye smooch, in case you wondered:)).  After lunch, we drove around and chatted until it was time for me to get home to get ready for my other sister's birthday dinner.

Then of course, I left LA to head to NY for 2 weeks for work, but he texted every day, and we spoke on the phone a couple of the nights.  Nice + slow....how I like it.  But he's paying quite the adequate amount of attention without being too much.  

This past week when I was back in LA, he took me out three different times...  All a good time, all ending with us talking on the couch until 3 in the morning.  

I am quite interested in him, but I am so cautious right now.  The repercussions of dealing with Mike have my guard up and have me keeping Dos at a distance at the moment.  I don't think it's a bad thing at all.  Who knows if it will turn out to be something special or not, but if it's meant to be that, then it will.  And I can take my dear, sweet time getting there.  

So that's that...a nice little update on the dating situation.  I hope to keep updating LITM more regularly than I have in the past month.  With the holidays having passed and then jumping right into the most heinous part of the work year (the first few weeks of January), everything got quite crazy for me, and blogging on both LITM + LITC totally fell to the wayside.  Here's to keeping up with it all a little better as the weeks go on :)

xoxo

How Mike proved himself to be a royal jerkface in the end.

If you've been following LITC or my twitter/facebook, you are aware that some pretty quick decisions were made in the past week, and I have fast forwarded my move to Los Angeles.  Instead of packing up everything I own, shipping my car, and putting in that change of address in mid-January, I am already here.  I'm camped out at my momma's for the holidays, and then I literally will be "home" in LA for about three days in January because of my crazy work travel schedule, so I am not going to be solidifying my new apartment situation until February 1. 

So just to keep track of my whereabouts, I will be in New York from Dec 27 - Jan 13, Los Angeles from Jan 14 - 16, and Dallas from Jan 17 - 31.  Phew.  Hotel living and bed hopping will be my expertises for the next few weeks.

I still have my apartment in Connecticut with Mike, and I am still paying rent on it, but I refuse to return to it.  I packed up everything I own into my Nissan Rogue last weekend, and I hopped on a flight Monday evening, never to return to that home.  I hired a trucking company to pick up Yogi the Roguey and put him on a car carrier and drive him out to California for me.  He should be here by this coming Friday - woohoo! 

So what happened to catapult the pending move into an immediate must-do-now situation...  Mike + I had talked a lot about our break up and had made it clear that we were breaking up because he was unable to maintain responsibility over his anxiety, which was just the icing on the cake on top of all of the other hurtful situations that happened, that I have shared with you here.

All was fine until last Thursday (a little over a week ago).  He was going to meet a couple of clients for drinks at a bar right down the street (so he walked), and we were planning on having dinner at home once he was back.  He had even said before he left that he'd walk his dog before bed and had asked me to DVR Law + Order so we could watch it together after dinner.  Well, one of the clients that he was going out with, Karen, is someone that I had met multiple times over the last year and a half.  She lives about two blocks away from us, and everytime I met her, I thought she was super brash, and that she was only being nice to me because she was super into Mike.  This gal, by the way, is 33, and Mike is 26.  Not that age really has anything to do with it, I just personally prefer to always date older than myself. 

So around 9 pm, Mike called me with Karen on speakerphone asking me to google a karaoke place for them to go to.  I didn't say anything, but was a bit put off that he was calling me asking me this, while I was waiting for him at home before I had dinner.  She was on the phone with him, and she called out, "Lacey!  Come out!  We wouldn't have invited Mike for drinks at all had we known you wouldn't be here - we want to see you!"  I rolled my eyes and almost snorted on my side of the phone, because like I said, it is embarrassingly obvious that she has a thing for Mike and that she has always just tried to be nice to me as a way to be buddy-buddy with him.

By 1130, I was pissed.  I had taken his dog out for him, I went ahead and ate dinner, crawled into bed, and watched the Law + Order.  I was so mad that by that time, I had put a pillow on the couch for him, to make sure that he knew I was mad, and to get the point across when he walked in the door that he was not permitted to sleep in the bed that night.  (We had still been sharing the bed after the breakup, but with the dog and pillows between us, of course.) 

I was awake all night.  2 AM came, which meant it was last call.  I knew that if he didn't come home within the next half hour that he wouldn't be coming home and that he had gone home with Karen.  Sure enough, I watched the clock turn from 3 AM to 5 AM and on.  When the sun started coming up, my nerves climbed even higher because I knew he'd be home soon, since he had to leave the apartment by about 730 to get to work on time.  When 8 AM rolled around and I hadn't seen him, I actually started to become concerned.  What if he had had an anxiety attack and wound up in the hospital?  He was out drinking, and I know he doesn't do well when he gets drunk.  What if he was hit by a car walking home?  I started to worry.  By 830 AM, I had called him about twenty times.  When he didn't answer or read any of his BBMs, I called the Emergency Room.  And the Police Station.  Neither of which had seen Mike.  I then thought, if anything happened, he would have either called me, his dad, or his best friend Tara (who happens to be his boss).  So I reached out to both his father and Tara, neither of which had heard from him.  So I sucked it up and I texted Karen, whose number I had from one of our weird run-ins over the past year and a half.  I said to her that I didn't care at this point if he was with her, but that his family and I were all worried and were scared he may be hurt.  She didn't answer.  So fifteen minutes later, I called her phone.  She didn't answer, but lo and behold, the ringing of her phone is what woke him up. 

He had done what to me was the unthinkable.  While still sharing a roof and promising each other that we would be completely respectful toward one another, and while he knew full well that I was waiting at home for him to get back for dinner and to take care of his responsibilities, he went home and slept with some girl that we have both made fun of for being gross and super manly before.  He knows me well enough that he knew I wouldn't sleep all night if he didn't come home, and he knew that I am smart enough to know that he was two blocks away having sex with another girl.  Ten days after we had broken up and he swore that he would love me forever.  Listen, I know we were broken up, I get that.  At the end of the day, I don't care if he is seeing other people - honestly I don't, because he has worn away and chipped down my feelings so harshly over the past few months, that I actually breathed a sigh of relief once I finally broke it off with him.  But to do it in a way that it was like shoving it in my face, and in a way that caused me worry and upset is cruel.

He was livid at me that I had called his dad and his boss.  I didn't care.  When they called me back shortly after I discovered where he was for sure, I did not lie to them.  I told his father that he had gone home with another woman.  His father's breath was taken away from him.  He couldn't fathom why Mike would do something so mean and hurtful and thoughtless to me, especially when I had taken such amazing care of him over the past year and a half (his dad's words, not mine).  Tara asked if I had found him at Karen's house, and I didn't lie to her either.  I told her yes.  She was appalled for me.  She even had me over for dinner on Saturday night to be able to say farewell to her and her kids (who I have built a fun relationship with).  When I was over for dinner, she disclosed to me that Mike has been doing a completely sub-par job at work for months now.  She even revealed to me that at one of their major functions last month, that Mike got drunk and was falling and slurring in front of donors (he works for a non-profit).  She even disclosed that he left the function without her knowledge and drove home drunk.  I couldn't believe his idiocy and that he was able to hide the truth of all of that from me.  (I was in Virginia for a girl's weekend that weekend.)

That morning when he got home, I made him get out of our home and I told him he was not allowed to return until after I was gone.  That was Friday.  I spent the weekend packing and getting my things in order, and I hopped on a flight Monday night to LA, and here I am.

Pretty unreal, right?

I've got more to share with you later, including that I went on a date this week here in LA!  And it was actually a really GOOD date!  I'll share that soon....

As always, thank you for all of your support, ladies.  xoxo

Juggling two "lives" right now.

I feel like I have two lives these days - 

Public Life: where no ones know Mike + I have broken up + as far as most of my friends know, I am planning to live in Connecticut until who-knows-when.

Private Life: where I am once again single (+ confident in being so) and will be moving to LA in oh, about six weeks time.

WOWZA.  Lots for a girl to handle.  I'm doing okay with it though, honestly.

To catch you up on the work front, I was officially offered the position I had proposed to my boss a couple of months ago, which I gleefully accepted.  Same pay (which going from NY to LA is in effect like a raise because of the lower cost of living, yippee), the responsibilities I had requested and more (which have me managing the Dallas, Texas region on up to Montana - you read that right, Nicole!!!), and I get to mainly work from home...my home in Los Angeles!  Yahoo...couldn't have worked out better on that front, if you ask me.

The move is happening in January.  They are still trying to fill my position here in New York, hence cannot give me an exact date, but the position I am filling in Texas will be open and ready for me to step into as of the last week of December.  So we're playing a little balancing game at the moment, but it will be sorted out soon.

Meanwhile, my job change affects two of my other lovely coworkers (taking a few of their state responsibilities from them), so I am keeping my fingers and toes crossed that when they get the news today from my boss, that they will not be resentful of me...  I feel badly for that one.

Mike + I put in our apartment release request yesterday, so we officially will no longer pay rent in Stamford come January 27.  I should be on the West Coast by then, anyway, but that is the date I will be financially not responsible for the rent here.

So gosh, I don't know when it will officially become public that I'm turning in my Metro Card and heading back to sunny Southern California.  I am trying to put off for as long as I can making it official about me and Mike, simply because I hate sharing those sorts of details with work (we're all Facebook friends), and I certainly hate having Facebook people that you aren't really close with anyway, making all sorts of "omg what happened???? i thought u were so in luv!!" comments.  You know the ones.

So once again, I am grateful to have this private little forum to share the ups and downs and private things with. :)

xoxo

The Monday after.

Have you ever loved someone that you knew you had to let go? 

Damn, it's hard.  I don't wish it upon anyone.  Knowing that you have full control of making the choice of either:
a) causing them to sob their heart out with grief over losing you, or 

b) you having to put your own happiness and sanity at the forefront and choosing to not live in a situation that you know is unhealthy for you and only will grow increasingly unhealthy as time goes on.

That may have been a run-on sentence/thought, but I know you get my drift.

The break-up conversation was not gnarly in the way that I had somehow anticipated in my head that it would be.  It was completely the opposite.  Mike was full of remorse, support, regret, love, and more remorse.  And tears.  Gosh we both cried buckets full. 

I have to pause here to make sure to paint Mike appropriately, as half of you have not met the man: He is a good man.  A very good man.  He has mental health issues that he does not address responsibly, and he has made unwise decisions - haven't we all? - but he is a good man.  

And I do love him.  But as Samantha in Sex and the City infamously said, "But I love me more."  And we all should love ourselves and value ourselves to the point that we put ourselves first in serious situations such as this. I've learned so many valuable lessons from this relationship, ladies.  And when you lose a love, I think that as long as you take away lessons learned, it was 1000% worth every step that you took together. 

Wow, I'm corny today.  Break-ups tend to make me feel insightful apparently...

Happy Monday, ladies.  xoxo

Exiting the rollercoaster.

It's been a while since an update.  To get you informed quickly, all I can say is that everything has been going well...lots of efforts, Mike is seeing a therapist, yadda yadda.  I've been chugging ahead with my plans to move back to LA in January (still hush hush in some parts of my real life), and because of this, Mike has been planning to move as well.

We visited his parents last weekend for a day before we flew West to see my family for the holiday.  The day with his parents was painful and so uncomfortable - they are upset about the move. 

We've spent the last six days in Los Angeles and Las Vegas gallivanting around town with my family and friends and letting Mike get the vibe for the city.  He's had some inklings of freaking out every so often and I've tried to somewhat ignore them, but I've had this terrible nagging in my head ever since we got to LA.  This situation isn't right.  Him being here with me, planning to move out here with me isn't right.  Thinking it and feeling it is one thing - I was trying to figure out how to handle these feelings, considering he has been interviewing for jobs out here and he has his mentality programmed to the idea that he is moving here in six weeks time.

Then yesterday happened.  He was quiet half the day - very un-Mike like.  Then he freaked out in the afternoon.  I told him he needs to figure out what his decision is on the move and to stick with it, because the wavering is making me crazy.  (And annoyed. Very annoyed.)

Then last night, I went to bed early around 930 pm and took a Valium to help with the pain that my broken elbow is still feeling (if you missed that I broke my arm, read up on LITC for the details).  Mike stayed up with my sister and brother-in-law.  At 1230 am, the bedroom door opens, he turns the overhead lights on to wake me up (from my drug-induced sleep, mind you), and starts in with a raised voice on how my family is pressuring him on which neighborhood to live in (absolutely not the case) and how he cannot please everyone, yadda yadda yadda....It went on for two and a half hours.  I kept telling him to quiet down, calm down, simmer down, shut up because I was certain everyone in the house could hear him because he was being SO LOUD....everything I could.  And I do not tell people to shut up.  I think that's a rude thing to say, but jeezus did the man need to shut the fuck up.  He went into full blown anxiety attack.  I told him I would not speak to him until the morning when I was properly awake and he was not in the midst of an attack - not to mention that he was drunk.  (Which I have also had numerous talks with him about moderation in his alcohol intake - to no avail.) 

That was it.  As he was on his tirade, I found myself thanking God for sending me a situation that warrants me standing my ground and saying that this is not what I want for my life.  It's been something that I've seen and been too chicken-shit to take action on.  I'm embarrassed of myself, because I've always called myself a strong and independent woman, but I feel like I was weak and foolish in this situation.  This whole entire situation, starting from dealing with X, the texting of the random girl, all the obvious mental health issues.

But I have learned.  If nothing else, I know more now than ever what I want in a partner.  I also know that I need a serious detox from being in a relationship, once he and I go our separate ways after my move.  (We still live together in CT.)

This is going to be a super tense couple of months still having to live together until my move.  And the conversation that I still have to have with him once we are alone is going to be a gnarly one, I can feel it.  But I will be strong this time. 

As always, thanks for listening, gals.  xoxo