I want to just scream.

As bad things sometimes tend to, the events from last night's post grew worse.  Mike was so apologetic and sweet to me all evening and all morning, being very tender while speaking to me, etc.

Then, mid-morning, I booked a work flight for next Wednesday - an early morning flight from NY to Chicago and a late evening flight home from Chicago to NY.  I had scheduled an appointment with a top account in Chicago so I would be gone just for the day to see her.  I sent Mike the itinerary, and he called me to follow up...

We had been planning a long weekend in Virginia from next Thursday to Sunday, which was in my calendar, so I had made sure to book my appointment for no later in the week than Wednesday.  So Mike called and brought it to my attention that I must have not realized we were planning on leaving Wednesday after work to drive down to Virginia.  I had totally spaced.  I didn't have Virginia written on my calendar for Wednesday, so in booking my flights I assumed all was fine.

I started apologizing, and feeling so guilty that I was messing up our plans, I started going into options of what I could do to fix the situation - reschedule my flight from Chicago to go to DC, where he could pick me up; schedule an earlier return flight to NY and we could drive from there, etc.  I did sound upset, because I felt badly that I'd made a goof on the scheduling and it was interfering with our mini-vacation, but my upset made Mike annoyed.  He kept telling me to calm down, to which I kept saying, "I am, I am just trying to find a solution."  He then quickly and coldly said, "I can't do this right now.  You are driving me insane."  At which point, my already hurt and sensitive feelings caused me to burst into tears.  "What is wrong with you?!  You are going off the deep end!" he yelled at me.  I tried to just explain to him that his cold tone and harsh words just sent my hurt feelings over the edge, but I was blubbering through tears as I said it.  "This is like talking to a child," he said, and then hung up.

I thought of just not calling him back, because he'd hurt my feelings so much.  But I decided, no, that I needed to tell him that he hurt my feelings.  So I called him back and said just that.  "You are dragging yesterday's events into today and this is all snowballing into you being hysterical," he said.  I told him that after yesterday's events, I really needed a little extra TLC from him, and he wasn't showing it a bit during this situation.  He said something back in a condescending tone, I don't even remember what, and I started crying again.  I said, "You disrespected me and our relationship to some girl I don't even know, and I was working to get past my hurt feelings over that.  At the same time, I messed up on something and was trying to fix it, and sure, you kept telling me it wasn't a big deal, but your tone conveyed otherwise.  And then you told me I make you insane and that I'm off the deep end.  If I'm off the deep end, it's an effect of your actions, Mike, and you are being anything but kind to me right now.  If it were me that had sent a message to some guy about what would have happened had we ever had sex, you wouldn't have been nearly so understanding.  You would have left and gone to your friend's house for the night for 'space'." 

I don't quite remember what was said next, just that he raised his voice, and I freaked.  "Stop yelling at me, stop it, stop it, stop it!"  And I hung up and threw the phone.

And he's emailed me a couple of times, telling me that when I calm down to call him, etc.  But I will not be calling him.  He was the one in the wrong on all of these things, and he gives his pride and being right precedence to wanting to make sure he hasn't hurt my feelings.  I'm so tired of it.  

All I want to do now is scream.

Thanks for listening, girls, I really appreciate being able to vent here.